In West Palm Beach, many local families partake in a leisurely Saturday afternoon activity shooting pistols at Gator Guns and Archery Center on Okeechobee Boulevard. My experience at this huge, indoor firing range and gun shop was limited to a visit last year with my friend Chris who introduced me to the place. Chris is something of an expert with his cache of guns, pistols, and hunting rifles. My grandson Billy was here this weekend and considering my need to keep a 12-year-old busy, I asked Chris to introduce Billy to the basics of gun safety and target shooting at Gators. As anyone who reads or watches television knows, the gun control issue is an urgent matter after the many tragedies in Nashville and elsewhere, with semiautomatic weapons behind the worst of the massacres. As a responsible grandfather I believe a youngster from New York City should know more than what he reads and hears about guns in the news, and indeed a trip to Gator’s gun range was an enlightening experience for Billy. First, he saw the massive and exhaustive collection of armaments on display and for sale there, all legal under Florida law. The pistols Chris taught him to handle were small arms typically used by law enforcement. Billy was very surprised to see entire families there—mothers and fathers, grandparents, and young children –all out target shooting with their weapons. According to the rules at Gator’s, if a child is tall enough to see over the table and is accompanied by a parent, they are permitted to shoot in the range. For many of the participants it was not just a leisurely outing but a practice round to keep their skills honed for safe handling and to burnish their hunting skills. Some were there for the fun of target practice. It was clear that from an early age they are held accountable for the proper use of a gun. It is the duty of parents, especially in a gun-friendly state like Florida, to instruct their children about gun safety and when it is appropriate to use such a deadly weapon. Most people at the range on Saturday owned their guns and kept them in their homes. It makes sense that the children learn how and when to use them. There were instructors also working the range helping the newbies to the sport. Others seemed to be professionals, possibly law enforcement. This is Florida—the wild west where the right to carry a concealed weapon is allowed without a permit. It is a law that invites more gun use and gun education I suspect. Billy left Gators clutching his paper target showing near perfect hand-eye coordination. He came away from his time there with a new skill, and he was excited about wanting to go out target shooting again. More importantly, he learned to respect the power of a gun in the hand and why safety and constraints are necessary for their use.
Category: Palm Beach
All the Flags at the Bridge
Back in 2020, when Carl Butz and I first discussed the name of my future column, Carl immediately suggested “Here Back East.” “You live on the East coast,” he said, “–Florida, Long Island and Maine–so it is accurate and general enough that you can write about anything under that heading.” I was fine with it considering I did not fully grasp at the time how much I would enjoy sitting down each week in front of my old Olympia typewriter to tap out the 200 words or so that ultimately become a Messenger column. So here I am in Palm Beach a day after the historic news of the indictment of a former President – right in my backyard. Well not quite my backyard but a few miles south of it, at Mar-a-Lago, the permanent residence of our former President. After tennis yesterday morning, I hung the lanyard with my press pass around my neck and headed out. (Full disclosure – I am scheduled to be interviewed by the Secret Service for entry to the White House press conferences in the spring.)
The midday sun was high over the ocean as I drove past the historic wooden gates at the entrance of Mar-a-Lago. A few secret servicemen carried serious-looking weapons and stood talking amongst themselves as minimal lunch traffic went in and out of the club grounds. There was no former President greeting his club members that I could see. Unable to stop to query the guards about their morning routine now that the former President was preparing to travel north for his arraignment, I proceeded west over the Southern Bridge where Trump supporters routinely gather to catch a glimpse of him and cheer him in his motorcade on the way to his golf club in West Palm Beach, or perhaps to the airport.
Midway over the bridge a Palm Beach policeman idled on his motorcycle. Below him, partly under the bridge, were a group of a dozen or so supporters waving flags- mostly MAGA– so many flags they seemed to outnumber the people. People were milling about, some seated in beach chairs. The mood at the gathering seemed upbeat and the scene brought to mind the football tailgate parties outside of Shea Stadium in the 1970s. Parked beside the bridge was a smart, white BMW convertible with a mix of American and MAGA flags attached to the rear. Still, it appeared to be a weak turnout compared to the bridge rallies in years past, when the headlines drew out the fans. One such occasion was during the last impeachment trial. There were easily ten times the number of people then, barely contained in the permitted areas around the bridge entrance. The indictment of this former President has not seemed to arouse the same ire of his supporters, if the crowd count was any indication of their sentiment. It might have been the time of day—I was there during lunch hour. As the date for the arraignment grows near, I assume more supporters will be drawn to the Southern Bridge location to cheer on the former president. Or perhaps his supporters are awaiting his commands, as they did prior to the January 6 insurrection— the infamous day in history when the Capitol was stormed by American flag-bearing extremists. Here’s to the American flag, a symbol of our collective values and support of the Constitution. Yesterday on the bridge, the flag was made to appear symbolic of less than all we stand for in America.
Moose Lodge at Palm Beach Gardens
I walked into the Moose Lodge on RCA Boulevard feeling out of sorts. The scheduled Celebration of Life for Nanci was due to end in 20 minutes. Otherwise, it had been a usual Sunday for me, with a busy morning—a Garden Tour in Palm Beach with Patti and then lunch with Caroline and Sam. After dropping off Patti at her place I sped north on I-95. I pulled into the parking lot mostly filled with pick-up trucks and a few motorcycles. Outside were gathered a few smokers with beer bottles hanging loosely at their sides. The glances my way made me feel a bit uneasy. I walked through the entrance into a reception area with pictures of past Moose members. I then realized I didn’t really know why I was there. Nanci was one of the regular counter gals at Greens, my local pharmacy and lunch place in Palm Beach. Over the past 20 years I only knew her first name and that was from the nametag she wore. Not one to talk much she was always short on words and did her job—take her order and return to gossip with the other counter ladies. I was never successful in engaging her in a conversation. In fact, I was cautious not to call out my order to her until she was ready and standing at my table with her pen out and a note pad in hand. In hindsight I thought that perhaps by coming to her Celebration I might learn a bit more about her. She always seemed a bit out of place at the counter. She was tall and evidently had once been a “looker.” Who was Nanci and did I miss something or offend her in some way over the years? I never observed her in real conversation with any customer though, so maybe it wasn’t me. She was there to do her job and she did it well. Nanci would not know I was there to pay my respects, but I wanted the other counter ladies to know I do care. That was the point, I guess. I roamed the room, furnished with round tables decorated with printed logos of the Washington Redskins -now called the Commanders. Large photos affixed to the walls showed Nanci in various stages of her life: motherhood, partying in Key West, in a Redskins football jersey, and having fun with her many friends. The music played, country and western. The open bar had a line. There were homemade cookies and brownies. This was not an “eating” party. The beer and desserts must have been what Nanci would want. Someone had made a video of her life over the years and a few of us stood there watching it. The counter women from Greens sat around a table and I went over to say hello. I believe I was the only customer who showed during the Celebration. I felt a bit awkward speaking to them. I sensed they were looking at me and wondering “what is he doing here?” I walked around the room once more and saw a table with condolence cards made out to Nanci’s family. I thought perhaps I should have brought one. I looked for a guestbook to sign, but then I don’t think anyone really cared that I was there. I left as I came in, wondering why I had gone in the first place. I guess sometimes we do things for a reason that only make sense some time after the event. This was one of them. I am glad I went. I cared for Nanci.
Dinner at Mar-a-Lago
Driving out of Mar-a-Lago was a bit disorienting in the dark. The Secret Service agent, dressed in black, directed us past several government vans through an exit onto Ocean Road, leading to Southern Bridge. I soon realized we were using the private driveway of the former President as it was far off the main road where most of the traffic went in and out of the Mar-a-Lago compound–otherwise known as the “Southern White House” when Trump was in office. Patti and I had been invited to a gala event there as guests of the Major of the local Salvation Army, to celebrate the 100th Anniversary of the organization. The Salvation Army is a faith-based charitable foundation which Patti and I support through their scholarship program.
When I first received the invitation, I was uncertain whether we should attend. It had only been two weeks since Trump broke bread with the white nationalist Nick Fuentes and the rap artist Ye, both notorious antisemites. That was on the heels of the subpoena raid by the FBI in August searching for government documents which Trump allegedly illegally removed from the White House. Then an article in the Palm Beach Post reinforced how Trump sympathizers use Mar-a-Lago as a venue to curry favor with him. All of this made me uncomfortable about attending the event. But my friend Bill, who is head of the Board of Trustees at Salvation Army, assured me that the Salvation Army gala would not turn into a political affair. The landlord would not be there to promote his recently announced candidacy.
Mar-a-Lago, as most readers may know, was originally the estate of the late Marjorie Merriweather Post, built in 1927. The exterior architecture is in the style of a Mediterranean villa, while the extravagant interiors could be described as Trump’s version of Versailles. The Salvation Army event was men in white tie and women in long ball gowns. It felt like something from a bygone era. I found myself standing aside most of the evening observing the grandiose furnishings and architecture. I kept looking for signs of the owner, but the only evidence were secret service agents milling about, identifiable by their earpieces and the official-looking badges hanging from their belts. I must presume if Trump intended to make a surprise appearance the metal scanners would have been present, no cell phones would have been allowed and the women’s purses would have been searched. The only telltale signs of Trump in the house was his name on the wifi and a single framed award at the entrance to the women’s bathroom, honoring his restoration of Mar-a-Lago. I never made it into the men’s room, but having been to his golf club in the past, the walls there are filled with his pictures and awards.
My takeaway is that Mar-a-Lago will return to its historical significance as Marjorie Merriweather Post’s once magnificent home and not Trump’s preferred venue for favor seekers, once his political career ends. Going by the comments overhead around the pool before dinner, the Salvation Army event was the beginning of the end of Mar-a-Lago as a club to “meet and greet” Trump. Notwithstanding the fact that this was a Florida crowd, the attention to Trump will fade and membership to the club will not be Trump driven. In my view, if Trump had shown that night, there would have been a “fire drill” – some would have headed over to shake his hand, but most would’ve headed for the door. But he didn’t show up fortunately, and Patti and I got a few dances in before we left.
At the Counter
At Greens, my go-to lunch counter after exercise, I overheard the guy at the next counter seat ordering for himself and his “best friend.” Green’s is a homey, old-fashioned pharmacy that has been serving the north end of Palm Beach since 1942. The waitresses at the breakfast-lunch counter know many of the patrons by name, most of whom are year-round locals. The fire rescue gang are always there – a good place to be if you need emergency help. The local Palm Beach police are also regulars– not an ideal place to be disruptive, or a criminal. All in all, it is a warm, nostalgic environment, just down the road from the famous Mar-a-Lago. Back to my neighbor at the counter.
“Grilled cheese and tomato,” he said to the waitress.
“And for your best friend?” she responded.
“Oh a hamburger will do,” he said.
“Lettuce and tomato with french fries?” she asked.
“No I can’t give my buddy that stuff,” he said.
“Your friend ill?’ she asked.
“Nope, he isn’t a person, he’s a dog,” he answered. “He is my only friend,” he said laughing.
Well, why not. Friends come in all shapes and sizes – humans and pets. I have best friends going back to my grammar and high school years as well as college and beyond –not to mention several four-legged “best” friends throughout my life. My friends from Rochester, probably my oldest friendships from childhood, have a connection through our shared history together, of our families, early education, careers, heartbreaks and love lives. My good friend Bobby recently told me: “Lenny, I like you more as an adult than I did as a little guy!” Now that’s love if I didn’t know better.
I find there are always opportunities to meet new people who eventually become regular acquaintances, friends, maybe best friends. I make an effort because I believe those connections are tantamount to a happy life, and science is showing that they can even lead to a longer life.
Friendship means opening up, to admit someone new into one’s world. In the long run it is always worth the risk. I cherish the shared experiences with friends – outdoors, fishing and camping, dining, traveling, talking about books and business and the state of the world. Friendship also requires forgiveness–overlooking the immature remark or even the breach of trust.
I consider this column an important part of maintaining my friendships because it is a way of staying in touch. Friends who read it often respond with some kind of feedback and depending on what I’ve written about, share similar experiences of their own. I am often delighted to learn new things about old friends through this column.
I feel fortunate to have as many friends as I do. On Thanksgiving, I received notes and emails from all over —Tennessee, Colorado, California, Wales and Iceland. I embrace my friends, literally and figuratively – I am one of those huggers. I am grateful for all those who I call and who would call me friend—including the latest four-legged one, Patti’s dog Wally.
The Magic of Hurricanes
Hurricanes can be terrifying as Ian recently demonstrated on the west coast of Florida. Last week, a category 1 called Hurricane Nicole threatened the east coast. It was a major disruption coming soon after a minor one — the clock change from daylight savings time. Adjusting to sunup and the hour setback was always distressing when I wintered up north. Yet the threat of a category 1 did not raise my blood pressure. I believe when you live waterside you assume the risk. That is a choice one makes—perhaps it is a lifestyle or even a sense of adventure. I choose to wait out hurricanes. This time I was lucky.
The streets looked like a modern-day ghost town. Restaurants and shops closed early once the alerts started to spike between cell phones and the tv weather reports. An evacuation order was in effect in Palm Beach so roads emptied of cars and trucks as the trade parade started crossing west over the bridges that serve Palm Beach. As the transient working population left together with many of the island residents, many headed for hotels inland in West Palm Beach, everything quieted down except for the wind, which steadily picked up momentum. The periodic rain droplet fell yet many sidewalks and streets remained dry despite the scattered precipitation and wind gusts. The stormy, tropical air was refreshing. The temperature was a steady 75 degrees. It was a Caribbean Island feel. The waves along Ocean Road topped the hard revetment structures. Waves as high as 20 feet crashed onto the waterfront roads, where locals out walking recorded the wave action on their cell phones. It was a dangerous walk since a rogue wave could easily overwhelm anyone in its path.
The social life of this new Caribbean-like island continued on, with a few storm-influenced modifications. As restaurants were closed, friends took to each other’s homes and apartments for cocktails and quickly thrown together dinners planned in anticipation of the storm touching down later on. Locals are always prepared for a hurricane party. Extra umbrellas and flip flops are always on hand. Even the recent memory of Hurricane Ian didn’t scare off everyone from enjoying the evening. With storm shutters fastened down, candles and flashlights were standard hardware should the power go out. In preparation of full electric failure, ice was stacked in buckets and cold food was the fare on offer. The phrase “house buttoned up” was heard frequently. Cars were parked in covered areas to avoid falling trees. Patio furniture was brought indoors. “Why not” was the common response to an invite from the neighbor downstairs whom one never met in five years of residency in the same apartment building. We all watched the weather reports on tv, with its repetitive charts and projections. After nothing but midterms news the change was a relief. The counterclockwise spin of the hurricane drove the action northeast. On the tv screen, the white swirling mass moved two inches to the left and up. Those two little inches meant our Category 1 hurricane was just downgraded. The next morning, I awoke and thought I was still dreaming. Just like that a category 1 hurricane became a tropical rainstorm. That relief felt something like magic.
Showing Up
Recently one of Patti’s tennis teammates was heard complaining about the fact that she was not selected for a particular match simply because she had not been present at the beginning of league play. Notwithstanding a valid excuse, the players that showed up ready and fit to play at the start of the season competed for slots in the lineup. Those that drifted in after several weeks found all the competition slots filled. Good reasons aside, showing up on time is Rule One on the competitive playgrounds of life.
The incident brought to mind my experience with the Kodak Park Athletic League during the summer of 1951; I was 11 years old. After tryouts for the softball team, I was selected for second base. I felt up to the task of defending my piece of the field. My confidence was further boosted because our neighbor, the wealthy owner of the local Ford Dealership, had gifted me my own softball bat for the season. Before the first game, there I was, bike ready to travel to the field off the Memorial Bridge and inside Kodak Park, the largest employer and possibly landowner in all of Rochester. The ten of us from diverse parts of Rochester all showed up well in advance of the opening pitch. That game was the highlight of my summer. However, the stars were not all in alignment. My softball career was interrupted abruptly and with very little warning and I had the uncomfortable task of telling my coach I was going to miss the next game. The trouble started because my older brother, Marty, a senior in high school, graduated a semester early and headed to Alfred College to enter midterm in December–he was fearful of being drafted into the Korean War conflict and had hedged his bets by applying early for college. This would be the last summer my dad could count on Marty to run the parking lot in his absence. For some reason my parents decided to take their one and only vacation of their lifetimes in the summer of 1951. Marty did not want to babysit me. He planned to work the parking lot during business hours and then party in the evenings with the cash he made during the day. How did Marty get away with this? Well he was the oldest son and the prince. I had no option but to join my folks, my sister and her husband on the vacation trip to Atlantic City. I am certain my sister did not want to go either, but without her my dad could not read the maps provided by Triple A. So there I was, crunched between my sister and her husband for the non-stop drive from upstate New York to southern New Jersey. I should have stayed when I got there– in l958 I went back for college at Rutgers in nearby New Brunswick. But that’s another story. At the missed game, the coach handed out t-shirts printed with our team’s name in bold lettering: RUBY (coincidentally that was also my sister’s name). Because I missed that game, I never got my t-shirt. All for not showing up.
No matter the excuse there no substitute for being prompt and in place when your name is called. I learned a good lesson and it has stayed with me. Kodak is gone and I no longer play softball, and these days, as an attorney, it is usually others showing up to meet with me. On time.
Goodbyes
May 2022
The last several weeks have been scheduled with lunches and dinners for end-of-season goodbyes. The “season” in Palm Beach is from October to May, at which time everyone goes their separate ways for the summer and early fall. These goodbye get-togethers are both merry and bittersweet. One however, was a purely solemn gathering. A goodbye of a different kind, it was the funeral for the father of a good friend, a quiet refrain amid the more boisterous events this time of year. The service, an Orthodox program, included the deceased’s grandsons, whose heartfelt letters to their beloved grandfather summoned memories of my parents, who died some years ago. It was a reminder to visit the cemetery where they are buried in Rochester, which I have not done since pre-Covid days.
The goodbye dinner last night was a mostly happy occasion, with fond farewells to friends scattering to the north, to Europe and out west. Our talk turned serious at times, discussing the war in Ukraine, which led to a conversation about ancestry. So many of us have parents or grandparents from Ukraine, myself included, who emigrated to the U.S. during previous periods of turmoil. The war and refugee catastrophe in Ukraine calls to mind the historical tragedies of the Nazi invasion of Eastern Europe and the inability of Jewish refugees to escape the brutality of the invaders. Those of us who are first generation Americans are fortunate indeed for our parents having left before the Holocaust. This morning I found myself on Google reading about the shtetl life from which my own parents fled prior to World War 11. How wrenching their goodbyes must have been, to leave extended family and community behind forever.
Though our group of friends will be separated for a few months, at my age-82-this is merely a short interval-and a considerable amount of living time. A lot can occur in five months, especially in the age of Covid. When I looked around the table last night, a lingering bit of melancholy from the funeral cast a shadow on my thoughts. The New Year’s Rosh Hoshana pronouncement “Who shall live and who shall die in the New Year” crossed my mind. So too as we pass through life, the days are few and time, like the late evening breeze, brings with it the clouds of past, present and future. But there is sun in between, when all is well, and we sit down again for an evening meal with dear friends.
Conversations III
March 2022
Last Friday after exercise class, I headed over to Aioli’s, my favorite sandwich shop. I was looking forward to more than just my usual lunch of chicken salad on a Greek salad. I planned to interview Melanie, the owner, the behind-the-counter master of the universe, as she has an interesting life story and I wanted to learn more about it. I was hoping to write something about her in these pages. But by the time I got to the restaurant at noon, the first-come-first-served line was out the door and Melanie was “in the weeds” as they say. I finally made my way over to her and she cheerfully advised me to be patient and have my lunch, that she would try to come over to my table during a lull. So, I found myself a seat next to a group of ladies. I noticed they were all in tennis gear. They assembled more tables together as their number increased in a steady flow, each carrying their lunch over from the counter. I was focused mostly on my salad and was almost done when one of the women near me asked me if they could use my table. I glanced over at Melanie. She had customers three deep at the counter. I turned back to the ladies, tipped my hat, and said, “of course!” However, as is my custom being a lawyer, I made it a negotiation. “I will happily give up my table if you agree to let me interview you for a column I am writing.” The women looked at me quizzically and whispered to each other. The one closest to me said, “Sure, but don’t get too personal.” “Certainly not,” I responded. I was now looking for an interesting hook for a column about the tennis ladies who lunch at Aioli’s in West Palm Beach, Florida. It might be a challenge, or it might be journalistic gold. You never know until you scratch the surface.
The first thing I learned is that they had all just finished a grueling three hours of tennis in 80 degree heat and humidity. l was impressed. I asked each one where they were from. They were forthcoming and enthusiastic, considering they were probably eager to enjoy their lunch and had little interest in my entreaties. The states represented included Michigan, Georgia, West Virginia, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and New York, plus an international contingent from Ireland and Canada. A geographically diverse group of women all brought together by their shared passion for tennis. And they had history–their group had been playing together for 20 years. In fact, two of the women were mother-daughter doubles teams. As I started to inquire further, one of women offered up that she was originally from Long Island. “Where?” I asked. “East Hampton,” she responded. I was taken aback. I decided to have a little fun. “Do you know Lenny Ackerman?” I asked. She looked at her friends before responding, not sure where this line of questioning was headed. “He is a lawyer in town,” I added. “Yes, 1 do know who he is. He is my parents’ attorney,” she said carefully. I debated how long I should carry on with the charade. l concluded the longer it went on the more embarrassing it might be for all parties. “I am Lenny Ackerman,” I confessed, grinning. The table erupted in laughter. “Oh my gosh,” she said, “what a small world!” She was incredulous that she would meet her parents’ attorney at a tiny restaurant with her tennis group, so far from her hometown. She and I had an animated discussion
about the people we knew in common, and 1 am certain that after I left she called her parents to let them know who she just happened to bump into at Aioli’s. Conversations with strangers can yield unexpected results. No matter how far we may roam there are connections everywhere, if we take the time to find them.
Couples Meet
January 2022
I sat across from a lovely couple last week at a friend’s birthday party, in a private room at a local club. The couple were acquaintances, having met them on several previous occasions socially, but this was our first opportunity to get to know each other more personally. In the course of our conversation—the usual background enquiries and more–I casually asked how they met. Their story made me realize how fortuitous it is when couples meet and truly live happily ever after.
Harry and Miriam had met at Purdue University where they both were teaching in the mathematics department. A mixer for single faculty members was planned, and they were each prompted by colleagues to attend. At the event, the two met and seemed to click right away, to the point that Harry, the senior professor, was comfortable enough in asking Miriam, the young associate professor and future lovely wife, “Do you plan on having children?’ She laughed and responded, “Of course and many!” That sealed the deal and shortly thereafter they became a couple. They have been calculating the algorithms of their large family and careers ever since.
After hearing their story, I was intrigued enough to ask the question of other couples Patti and I know. Their answers have been wide ranging, yet all the stories seemed to share the element of fate in common. Meets early on in childhood, high school, Hebrew School, holidays, family events, college and more currently on Match.com. Especially interesting meets included one at a camp in the Adirondacks, where families went in the 1940’s to escape New York summer heat, while another was a beach romance in the south of France, where two families reconnected after the War. Then there was reunion of two 80-year-olds prompted by the obituary column in the local paper. Both lost their spouses at around the same time and saw each other’s name, as survivors of the deceased, in print on the same day. They connected for the first time since graduating high school together in Palm Beach 60 years earlier. Many of the meets are instant attraction, even as youngsters, yet it is what emerges afterward that creates the connection. Words like “open” “friendly” “easy to talk to” and “always laughing” are often used to describe the attributes that draw two people closer together.
I met my late wife when I was in the 9th grade and she was in the 8th. I originally had a crush on her sister, Harriet, who was in my grade, but Harriet was more interested in older boys. She wisely offered to introduce me to her younger sister, Judie, whose locker happened to be across from my own. And that is where we first met, Judie and I, a bit awkwardly, in the halls of Benjamin Franklin High School. The awkwardness very quickly gave way to a mutual attraction that sustained our relationship for the next 63 years, until her passing in 2017.
Recently, there was another meet in my life, but this time it was a gradual one. There were no claps of thunder or love at first sight moments, but a somewhat distant friendship of 30 years turned into something more meaningful two years ago. It happened over a few shared meals and through the encouragement of mutual friends, and now Patti is my new partner in life.
It was touching to see the academic couple who, when sharing their story, spoke to each other – not over each other- while she lovingly lay her head on his shoulder. Meets that lead to lifelong relationships are like that star forever in the sky that lights up every cloudless night.
Here Back East 